Let's Talk About Marriage For A Moment | Sikiru Opadijo Talks About The Love Of His Life

Yep. It's that time of my life. Not the time when I'm getting married. But the time when everyone around me starts piling on the pressure about it.

I'll start our conversation with this- I'm ready, I'm ready to go to learn to live with someone. I'm ready to share my life with someone. I'm ready to have a good and bad days and work our way through this INSANE universe while standing by eachother even on the days we don't want to. I'm ready to start planning a wedding that will happen at least one year away. I'm ready for all that.

But I'm not ready to choose the person that I will get married to.

I know, I know. That's the most important part of It. It's all about the person. But here's my problem- If I make this choice, I can't change It. Ever. And the truth about life is, every choice we've made is somehow permanent in reality or in our memory. But my choices in the past have never tied me to a person for eternity.

If I choose one person, even someone I love, I can't take It back. And everyone rushing with their advice about how it doesn't matter in life how careful you pick because you can't predict the future and how human being change with every tide- Yeah, I've heard of It. I understand It. And I'd totally take that gamble If I'm only looking for a wife.

But I'm not.
Because this person I marry is not jus a wife. She's not just going to be the woman I'm married to. She's more. So much more. She's my family. She's my bug on a bad day. She's my best friend when I'm fighting with my real ones. She's my coffee buddy every morning. She's my companion when I'm sick, old and fragile. She's the mother to my children. She's their 'good cop' because I can be a control freak sometimes though :-) with a combination of anxiety and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). She's the calm to my never-ending storm. She's their shoulder and mine when our hearts break. She's my person.

And I get one shot to choose her. One shot. To choose the person that will influence every decision there is to make about my future. And I'm NOT READY for It.

But you're an adult! Says who? !
If my maturity is defined by a number, we don't need life's experiences and life's lessons, do we now?! Just wait till you get older! It'll come to you. Seriously? I feel like the adult in this conversation right now.

But honestly, how do you choose?

"Oh, you just know" is not an acceptable answer. I don't know. I've never known. I'm terrified. I have anxiety. Even If I know, I'm afraid I don't know well enough. I'm afraid It's wrong. I've known things before, gone with instincts and messed up terribly. How can I be sure this isn't one of those times again?

So I did what I know how to do best. I asked someone, 'What did you ask her? What made you think she's the one?'

He gave me a list;
¤Career
¤Expectations in her marriage
¤Likes
¤Dislikes...e.t.c.

And I just sat there like a vegetable :-x, staring at his answer for a while. I didn't know what to say because It seemed so... so 'less' .

Here's what I thought I should start with- What do you do from that moment you wake up until you fall asleep-On a working day? On a weekend? On vacation/holidays? What's your lifestyle like? What do you want our lifestyle to be? Do we watch movies every weekend or read a book together? Do we stay in on Sundays? What are your questions for me? If I need you, would you drop what you're doing and come to my rescue? Will you fuel my wildest ideas and craziest dreams? Will you understand my love for surprises but my inability to deal with them? Will you put up with my need to know the ending before watching a thriller movie :-P ? Can you promise me 'us' time everyday? Can our childrens be vegetarians even if you're not? Can I take over the closet in our room because I have too many clothes and nothing to wear? Can you promise not to let our room turn pink :-D ? Can I choose our home decor? Will you hug me even when we're fighting? Will you find me attractive even when I'm sitting with my messy hair in the middle of chaos after yelling at you for no reason other than the fact that I'm going through my five minutes of madness? Oh! And we're going to adopt pets. LOTS OF THEM by God's grace! That's cool right?!

And after she answers all these, I still have that burning question running in my head- "What If she changes her mind about It?"

Because arranged marriages or love, they're still human beings. And there's almost 7 billion of them on this planet. You need to choose one. This person, her past, her present and her future will help determine whether your kids are going to 'Harvard Law' or sitting behind bars. How do you choose her?

What do you look for. What lifestyle is acceptable? And what If mine changes? What If I grow up and become another person and want different things? I used to love somethings in the past but not anymore....

(Concluding parts drop next week)